2nd Month Check-in (April First)

    What can I say?  This month was a lot of ups and downs.  Giving myself direction is proving to be one of the most difficult things I've ever done.  Forcing myself to sit down and draw is, at times, the most anxiety-inducing actions I can take, and the only way I can get through and avoid a panic attack is to:
Breathe and keep drawing. 
Try to ignore the fact that my drawings rarely come out as I'd like them to.
And attempt to be nicer to myself.

My word for this month was commitment.  I can't say I owned up to that. The amount of things I accomplished was a little better than last month. A little more here, a little less there.  I've attempted to reach out more to the OA people, but I've only gotten 3 responses from people in 2 months. I wish I knew what I was doing wrong.  I hung out in the artist Google chat too, which was fun for a little while. I'll definitely try to work on that some more.

One Illustration a Month:  I'm considering these drawings to be in a "STILL" learning stage.  I honestly don't think I appreciate them enough.
Here, I did a self portrait where I wanted to really have fun with my blue scarf.  I foolishly color picked from the photo and made some real mistakes with the face. Structure-wise, I think it looks pretty good, even if I have a big chin, and I really like the hair.  But from looking at this, I could tell I hardly applied anything I learned in my painting class. The face and head are from one color palette, while the background and scarf are from another. They don't mesh, and I don't think I know how to fix it.  As many of my teachers have said, the struggle of the artist isn't in learning of a skill as much as it is in application.
How many times will I have to those skills before I my knowledge can reflect what I can produce?

I'm pretty happy to finish this piece.  Not only because it means I did 2 illustrations this month, but because it's a personal picture of Mark, and I haven't done one of those in years.  As far as concepts go, I think it could have been stronger.  Maybe make Mark smaller in the image, give his gesture some more emotion. Convey a real sensation of drifting away - disassociation.  Falling into the darkness.  That's what I wanted.  Next time I should stop and contemplate the final image a little more instead of just coloring a sketch I liked.  Do more thumbnails for a picture and don't go with your first idea. It's rarely the best one!!!









Writing :Well, here I got a little off.  I expect approximately 20 a month.  Last month I had 22, this month though? I had 9.  It felt easier for me to do the first pass at this early part of the story.  All new characters I didn't have to worry about so much. I could build them up so quickly and not feel bogged down by them.  Then as I approached Moshea's old age and the birth of Saith, I started to studder a bit. "I already 'know' these characters, I better not mess them up! Keep in mind what I've already wrote for them."  I need to let go, really let go, and see what drives my characters.  And remember not to narrow the story down too much when looking at the bigger picture.
In spite of my small page-count, I did do something pretty awesome this month. I created a 3-4 page web-diagram detailing events from the past in my story line, and how they effect future events.  As of today, I've made it to the moment Mark is revealed as being the vessel of Amanun.  What's so great about this outline is that I'll be able to do more writing with this skeleton lying around.


Movie a Week : I'm a lot closer to my average goal now; I did 3 movies this month! Again I didn't do any studies from these films. I must work on that in April.  Maybe I'll go back and even do some studies from movies I watched already, just to make it up to myself.
Anyway, first up is:

Jaws (1979) - Probably the most re-watchable movie I watched all month.  We saw this as part of Michelle's "Films on Paper" class to study what true horror in a movie is.  None of that grotesquely over the top stuff like killing off the main character's kid, or showing a many being shredded to pieces. (Though there is a scene, above, where a main character is eaten alive by the shark, and that's pretty gruesome.)  Jaws was an awesome story in a lot of ways, but mostly of all, it's build up.  The pure ignorance of the towns-folks was both astonishing, and sadly familiar.  As much as you may think, "Oh people couldn't be this stupid, there's a killer shark in the water!"  the abyss in your gut echo's back, "But you know people would be that stupid."  The main character Brody is a simple man who hopes to make a difference in a small town as their sheriff, but he has no idea how much of a difference he can really make.  Brody is a man of no remarkable skill, other than a logical head on his shoulders. Sometimes, that's all you need.  When he, the scientist Hooper, and the sailor Quint, set off to kill the shark, there is little doubt in their mind that they'll be taking it down.  And at first, they seem to do so.  There are a few moments of uncertainty, and fear, but the crew honestly seems like they're going to get the shark.  The tables turn when the shark begins to prove that the men are toys in his sand box.  It busts parts of the ships, destroys their generator, and drags them around.  The mood shifts from possible triumph to certain doom very quickly.  I think the character that interested me the most was Quint.  His character doesn't really arch, which is why I feel he had to die by the shark.  He was filled with vengeance against all sharks for killing so many of his fellow soldiers, but he represented a deep-seeded hatred that had no room for growth.  His death perhaps signified a passing of old thinking.  On a bigger scale, representing a shift in life for the people on the island.  With Quint dead, and Brody assuming Hooper's death, only he can take on the shark, on a ship that has almost completely sunk.  When Brody can seriously loose nothing else, he makes the killing blow, and saves the town from the shark, and delivers them from their own ignorance.  Just awesome.

Schindler's List (1993) - I don't think it's possible to sum up this movie quickly.  There is so much that goes on, so much content and context that I lost myself for what felt like 4 hours in this film.  The mistreatment of the Jews portrayed in this film were top notch in making the viewer feel real sympathy.  Sometimes those scene went on for durations that were disturbing, which I think added to the impact.  If I had to pick out what the actual STORY was about though, I guess I'd have to say that it focused on the conflicts and evolution of Oscar Schindler.  The arch in this film was so good and clear.  "He wants one thing, but he needs another."  This old phrase sounds like such a simple trope, It conjurers up images in my mind of a simple socket wrench.  But a wrench is a valuable tool if you know how to use it.  Oscar explicitly states that he has no interest in other people, Jewish or otherwise, and sees their plight as a chance for cheap labor.  He uses his Jewish workers to accumulate large sums of money for him to return home and perhaps retire with. Ignorant of his workers.  We see by the end of the film that Oscar spends every last dime he has protecting those workers, and what amplifies that notion is the way in which he leaves them. Schindler spent all he had to save Jews from concentration camps, and yet, he wishes he could he done more. He would sell his clothes on his back or his only means of transportation if it would have saved one more human life.  Impactful, plain and simple.  On the other side of the coin is Amon, a Nazi commander who is an obvious psychopath with a true blood-lust.  I don't want to go too far into him, but I will note how Amon was Schindler's evil mirror.  Evil Mirror is a term I like to use in place of doppelganger.  In stories I've observed, the evil mirror character is the reflection of who the main character could be or could have been.  For Gatsby, it's George Wilson.  Basically, the main character can look into the mirror and change themselves to be less like the mirror, or the mirror will destroy them.  Oscar tries to help Amon, and Amon even looks up to Oscar... But it is no use, Amon is incapable of true growth and dies, while Oscar is freed from whatever sentiments he and Amon may have shared.  Beautiful.

Road to Predition (2002) -I was suggested to watch this one by Chris Carman.  He mentioned to me the great cinematography in the film, and how I could learn from the atmospheric lighting.  I have to admit, I can't remember if he told me this, but only one scene in the film actually had the dramatic lighting seen above.  I watch the film anticipating more emotionally stirring cinematography.  I was a little disappointed, but it was a good gangster film nonetheless.  I didn't quite get it at first, but the heart of the film really was in how evil can consume itself.  It takes light from the good and the bad alike, and when it's all done, there's no one left.  Tom Hank's character, Mike, did bad things for the Irish Mob, so that he could provide for his family.  His good deeds earned him the favor of his "adopted" father, and the scorn of his partner and "adopted" brother.  Mike's family is killed, and he wants vengence. He knows the price that comes with trying to take out the mob-boss's only son, but pushes for it anyway.  In the end, Mike realizes that his son, also named Michael, is the only pure thing in his life that is left. (As the viewer, Michael is the only pure thing in the entire movie that is still alive)  Mike has to protect his son, and not just from other people, but from becoming a murder like him.  Down to the last moment when Michael is about to shoot his father's murder, Mike pulls the trigger first to save his son's soul from hell, and to keep the blood off his hands.  Michael goes to live with a simple family, and never touches a gun again.  He's free, but at the cost of enormous sacrifice.

All of these films have been quite educational, and fun to watch. I'm excited to see what movies come my way this April (Besides The Room, which I'll be having a viewing party for this week!)


Studying forms and the basics:
I always save this party for last because, well, studying is probably the kind of drawing I hate the most. I'd rather do just about anything else most of the time.  That makes me worry for my artistic future. It makes me worry a lot, to the point I almost have another one of those anxiety attacks.  I tried to take Michelle's advice and study what it is I really like about artist I admire.  Try to adapt parts of their style into my own work.  That was actually pretty fun when I got it right.  Drawing like someone else is extremely difficult though.  Looking over what I've produced, I just really need to draw more often. 
Put in the time. 
I hope that before the end of the year... I learn how to do that.  Just put in the time.


Better wishes for my future self who will exist in April.

First Time Checking in (March 1st)

So, this is where I begin everything I'm working on.  At the beginning of the month I started out with a pretty rigid plan that involved getting caught up with the Oately Acadmy, studying a film a week, writing out my story, and working on the basics.

I can say it took me all the way to the last half of the month to get into the motion.  I feel as though I let myself down, but now it's time to look back at the month and see what I DID accomplish.

Portrait of Nicolaes van Outback (The Koala)

One Illustration a Month Resolution:  While I know I'll be able to do more and more as time goes by, only truly finishing one is still an accomplishment. (technically finished this on March 1st, but February is a short month, so I'll let that one slide. haha)  Also granted, my 1 illustration was already started, since it was part 2 of the Fancy Animal piece from the Oately Academy.  I overhauled the image though, so I think it's almost like a whole new piece. 
As you can see below, the image on the left is where I left off last (July 10th 2014) and on the right is where I finished it (March 1st 2015)  I'm a little embarrassed by how long it took for me to get back to this. I think it's an improvement.

Cotton Hill on Right

Writing : I expected 5 pages of story writing a week out of myself.   In my little red book, which I'm calling my story bible, I wrote 22 pages worth, which exceeds my expectations for myself by 2 whole pages! Woot!  Of course, the further I get into it, I wonder if I can keep up that pace.  It's definitely been a big help to me already.

Movie a Week :  Now here I stumbled a little.  Instead of 4 movies this month, I only saw 2.  I'm not going to count that I also sat through 300: Rise of an Empire, because that was just atrocious.  I also didn't do any thumbnail studies or blog entries for the two movies I did see.  I think I can change that this next month, though.  I can at least give a short summary of my thoughts and what I learned from each movie.

Blade Runner (1982)  - Definitely felt uncomfortably confused in this otherworldly place.  For it's time, it was pretty crazy what they were able to accomplish visually.  The constant motifs of smoke and sickly choices in lighting were very interesting to me, if not a touch disturbing.  The story didn't make sense to me on the first pass through, but some reading online sort of helped me go back and explore what I had just seen.  It's definitely a film that needs to be watched more than once to get the total picture.  I guess the biggest thing I learned from this film was that any good story has a surface story, and a core story.  On the surface, Blade Runner was about a bounty hunter who needed to kill very human-like robots who were developing emotions and acting upon them.
Upon reflecting on the film, Constant hints throughout the movie tell us that there is something not right with everyone. The whole film leads you feeling a little detached from all of the characters, even Decker.  So you feel as though you're moving through the world as one of these robots. Confused, hazed, and struggling to connect to anyone, but longing to the whole time.  Decker is hinted at being one of the very robots he had been trained to hunt down, but he never really questions his humanity. Not the way that Rebecca does.  At it's heart, the story makes us question what it is that makes us truly human.  Is it replicable? Can it be bought and sold? If memories don't make us who we are, what does?

The Shawshank Redemption (2004) - What an amazing film.  The masterful writings of Stephen King and the direction of Frank Darabont made this story sing on so many different levels.  It's both thought provoking and touching on an emotional level as we follow the character of Andy Dufresne.  Andy is accused of killing his wife and her lover, and through a string of poor decisions on the murder night, he places himself at the scene of the crime.  Andy is sentences to serve out 2 life sentences, and has a very difficult experience there.  There are some positive events, mostly revolving around developing friendships with fellow inmates, but his spirit is almost broken on multiple occasions.  To me, the biggest thing I learned from this film was how important the build up to the finale is.  Throughout the film, Andy is cool and calm.  (In my opinion, this may be based on some mental condition where he internalizes his feelings instead of letting them out.)  Andy uses his connections with his friend Red and his smarts to eventually find a way out.  I think anyone could tell that this film is heading to his escape in the end, but the destination isn't the important part.  Instead, the manner in which he gets there, and the trials he endures make us forget about where the film is heading.  This film successfully buries the main plot within the sub-plots.  By the time that Andy escapes, you forget that he had been tunneling all this time. You're also suddenly made aware of all the times Andy might had lost everything if he didn't play his cards right.  You start looking back and seeing that everything he did, down to financially setting up a ghost account for himself, was all to serve the bigger purpose. 
His ultimate freedom.



Studying forms and the basics:
You know what they say, studying your fundamentals will always be important as an artist.  Namely, figure drawing.  I let myself down in this respect, as I did very little figure drawing this month.  I need to crack down a little bit and just do some studies of people, even if it's not the most interesting thing in the world sometimes.  For my own sake, I need to make it fun!
To put a positive spin on that though, I'd like to point out that I have been drawing more than I used to over-all.  Time spent at coffee shops and on the BART this month have helped me loosen up and learn to draw like I used to.  I've even found myself carrying my tiny sketch pad to bed with me, or holding on to it during a movie. It reminds me of how I used to take my sketch pad everywhere with me, and that's a very good thing!


Here's to hoping my posts increase in March!